Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
