I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
