then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
