I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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