i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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