I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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