she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
