Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
