The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
