It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
