Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
