Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
