My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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