textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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