i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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