Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
