Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
