Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just google imaged poop.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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