you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
