I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
