i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
