I wish I could teleport
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
