You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
