found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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