theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
