he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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