didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
