Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
