i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
