why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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