Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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