Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
