I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
