He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
