Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
3 2 1 whiskey
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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