i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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