i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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