my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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