as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
