What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
