So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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