The best revenge is premature balding
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
