If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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