It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
