If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
