I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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