TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
