When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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