i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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