I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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