the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
